Short Story

I have known her for quite sometime now.  She studied in the same school.  We got into to college together. We laughed together and cried together.  We went through lot of emotions together.  We were always there for each other.  But we were different in everything.  I was sophisticated, she was clumsy.  I knew what to say when, most of the times.  She never watched her tongue.  I was always dressed up for the occasion and she just went on with it like a routine. She lived life like a party and I lived like a routine. Where I fell short she complimented me and where she fell short I did.  I never felt the need of anyone else. She brought in the adventure and carefree attitude to my life.  I was happy.

Then one day something happened.  She started distancing herself from me.  I started feeling left out. I cried and begged for her to come back. I didn’t know what went wrong.  I cried for days and nights.  I searched for her near and far.  Yet I never could reach her, talk to her, tell her how empty I feel without her. I tried and tried and tried.  I persuaded my friends to talk to her.  They laughed saying I was better off without her.  How can they even know what she meant for me. They cant even imagine it in their wildest dreams.

I kept trying till one day she sighed and told me “One last time lets talk”.

Yes, this is the chance I wanted.  I was sure I will convince her and things would go back to as there were before. I asked her what went wrong. One look into her eyes told me this was the last I would see her. What she told baffled me. I could not believe my ears.  I , I was the whole reason for her behavior.  Me with all my trying to be someone else, I lost my one and only innermost self.    I had to carry on with rest of my life without being me.  I had to pretend everyday and every minute.  I am all alone without being myself.  Locked in my own reflection forever………..

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Life as I knew it

Yeah yeah..the title is a rip off from the hollywood movie.  Well inspired I must say.  The life before and after a kid is completely different.  I did know that, I was kind of expecting it, but still was never prepared for the changes

Usually everyone says, during pregnancy, the hormones act weirdly and you are always having mood swings.  Surprisingly,  I was very normal during pregnancy, even my husband was pleasantly surprised.  The hormones did catch up, much after the delivery though.  I always seem to be at the edge and ready to fight.  I sometimes find myself waiting to have a fight 😀  How weird.  Motherhood is so overwhelming.  Nothing can prepare you for it.  Hats off to those women who go through it multiple times.

Lot of things have changed after baby, being carefree, getting ready in few mins (not literally), going out when I felt like.  Now even if  I want to spontaneously decide to go out, immediately I think of food for the baby and other basic necessities.  By the time I get everything ready,  the spontaneity is long gone.   I actually consider if I need to continue my original plan or not.  Movies used to be a regular affair earlier, but now once in 6 months, only after we get raving reviews about the movie.  I still have a movie coupon unused.  I think its expired too now.  This never used to happen in the past.  Everyone has assured me that things will come back to normal.  I highly doubt that.  The priorities change, interests change, the person who you are changes.  There is a radical identity shift.  I cant even put the exact feeling in words.

Life becomes more and different and different good.  There is so much going on and so much to look forward to.  Yeah things might not go back as it was, may be thats good.  Change is the only thing constant in life.  New changes new adventures and new stories to write on.