I am back after a long break. Break which was more hectic than my normal working day. Taking care of a child is not easy. I had heard about it, read about it and I thought I was prepared for it. But I realized you can never be ready for motherhood. The extent of tiredness, lack of sleep and being on your toes all the time. It can only be experienced and not explained. In-spite of all this, its the best feeling. When my child smiles at me, all the tiredness vanishes, though momentarily :D. The unconditional love you get cant be compared.
I was in complete dilemma whether to join back work or not after my long break. A part of me wanted to stay at home and take care of the little one. But a part of me also told me that I will not be happy if I did that, and in the end it would affect my child more than anyone. I know I will have to make sacrifices, sometimes very difficult ones. Right now I am not thinking of those. I will cross the bridge once I come across it. From next week I will start going to office, the true test of how things will be managed. One thing I am sure is my child will be taken care of even in my absence, probably better than me. Having doting grandparents is a blessing.
Still I am scared, very scared. Will me joining back work put a strain on the relationship with my child? Sometimes I get nightmares that my child has forgotten me, or she hates me. I know these are unfounded fears. There are thousands of them going back to work after a kid and some of them don’t even have family support. In that way I am lucky. I guess all new moms go through this and things will get easier as the time goes. There is no right or wrong here. I just have to try and do my best to whatever the situation demands.